Some people are fans of the Houston Texans. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Houston Texans. This 2014 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
Your team: Houston Houstonians
Your 2013 record: 2-14. Two straight wins. Fourteen straight losses. Now THAT is how you do 2-14. And then there was this…
It's amazing how quickly it can all go to shit. One season, you're riding high off of thrashing the Bengals in the playoffs for the 90
th straight time. The next season, people are setting Matt Schaub's children on fire. This is not a kind game.
Your coach: Bill O'Brien. I went to Penn State's first home game after Joe Paterno died, and people were walking around in officially licensed shirts that said BILLIEVE. …
Sometimes, SHOTY nominees are so honored because of sustained excellence. Other times, like in this example, it's just one amazing, transcendent moment. That moment can be enough. Thus: Artie Lange
Claimed that someone ejaculated on Joe Buck's bare chest. I'd have to think that's enough, yes? …
Every year, Andy Behrens of Yahoo and I preview the upcoming fantasy season by going through every team in the NFL. All killer, no filler. Listen here. Join us, won't you? Today, we'll preview the NFC team by team. Later, the AFC. We'll go through changes at every skill position and how they should impact both the team and the draft status of any given player. A few things I learned while talking to Behrens: • Some running back platoons will actually serve its participants well (Carolina), and some will FUCK YOU IN THE ASS UNTIL IT'S RAW AND LEAKING PUS (Chicago). • Beware unheralded players who blow up one year (NYG Steve Smith), without showing they can sustain long-term productivity. We'll call this Horse Balls Syndrome. • The NFC West is somehow e…
data-mm-id=”_1zm4f1sw6″>Lance Barksdale is having an awful Sunday. The umpire is in the middle of a complete meltdown behind home plate during Game 5 of the World Series. The Washington Nationals appear to have gotten the worst of the deal, though the Houston Astros haven't exactly seemed thrilled with him either. The corners have given Barksdale a problem all night. In fact, his calls on the corner have been absolutely absurd. And the Internet noticed, oh did the Internet notice. Here are a few examples:Ump doesn't call strike three. Tells Gomes he was taking off on him. Gomes replies 'Oh it's my fault?" Then Martinez kindly asks the up to wake up because its the World Series. pic.twitter.com/iRUr349bQh— Jomboy (@Jomboy_) October 28, 2019Victor Robles was ju…
data-mm-id=”_z4g358amo”>LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers let a 15-point lead slip away and lost to the Los Angeles Clippers on Christmas Day. The Lakers did that by playing really dumb basketball over the final 24 minutes, which included shooting an absurd number of 3-pointers. As the Clippers out-scored the Lakers 60-43 in the second half the Lakers continued to fire deep shots. The Lakers rank second in the NBA in points in the paint (53.2 per game), yet relied almost exclusively on jump shots down the stretch. It was mind-bogglingly stupid. On the game, the Lakers were 12-of-45 (26.7 percent) from 3-point range. Players who have been successful from deep this season just kept on shooting. James is shooting 35.6 percent from 3-point range this year and went 2-for-12 from deep …
data-mm-id=”_fjrgepaoi”>PJ Walker was the breakout star of the brief XFL experiment. The Houston Roughnecks quarterback threw for 1,336 yards and 15 touchdowns while leading his team to a 5-0 record. He was electric and must-watch television if you were choosing to spend some of your time watching the grooming school of a league. It became almost immediately clear that he was destined for bigger things. And with XFL operations shutting down and players free to join NFL teams now, it's no surprised the Carolina Panthers came calling. Walker is the first of the XFL hopefuls to make the jump. He'll be reunited with rookie head coach Matt Rhule, with whom he spent four years at Temple. It's unclear what role the Panthers are envisioning for him. Teddy Bridgewater is the pres…
data-mm-id=”_dot3ogozj”>The Week 8 toilet bowl of NFL primetime matchups has been graciously flushed down the toilet with the rest of the excrement, leaving us with fresh porcelain as we head into the second half of the season. But while this past week's primetime slate of Falcons-Panthers on Thursday night, Cowboys-Eagles on Sunday night, and Bucs-Giants on Monday was by far the worst slate of primetime games played this season, they still drove good ratings. Delusional Cowboys fans and hopeful Eagles fans tuned in in droves to watch the turnover machine formerly known as Carson Wentz beat Ben "How am I a starting quarterback in the NFL?" DiNucci this past Sunday night. According to NBC Sports PR, the game, "delivered 17.5 million viewers," which is the "…
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data-mm-id=”_vx8ezvimh”>As a young quarterback, you don't want to be put in the same camp as Mitchell Trubisky right now. The 2017 No. 2 overall pick is entrenched in a battle for the starting quarterback job in Chicago after the Bears traded for Nick Foles this offseason because Trubisky wasn't getting the job done. So it is with great displeasure for Baker Mayfield that I bring you the opinion of Damien Woody, who said on ESPN's Get Up today that Mayfield is one bad season away from being in the same spot as Trubisky. The impetus for this opinion was a story written by Bill Barnwell, who said this could be Mayfield's last year as the Browns starter. Remember, Mayfield was the No. 1 pick in the 2018 Draft. “If he doesn’t make it happen this year, then he’s going to…
data-mm-id=”_0l069wsl3″>Miami Dolphins quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick and Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Gardner Minshew engaged in a little playful, facial-hair inspired smack talk ahead of their team's Week 3 showdown. Fitzpatrick, blessed with the facial hair of a Civil War general, started it by saying a beard is cooler than a mustache. Minshew, focused solely on cultivating a 1970s adult-film mustache, fired back by saying he wouldn't disrespect his much, much elder elders, but he preferred the mustache. It was a fun exchange that would have easily translated to good radio, or I guess podcasts because that's what the people listen to these days. That got me thinking. Why wouldn't these two start their own podcast? It seems everyone is doing it now and, quite fr…